Instilling love in marriage

Mawaddah : The meaning of the name/word Mawaddah is LOVE in Arabic.
Some people decided to get married because of mawaddah, and even in this era, there are people whose parents decide for them. Not that they are old-fashioned or their perception of life are outdated. It is sometimes the lack of confidence in themselves to approach the opposite gender and proceed with the somewhat natural process of knowing one another, fall in love and introduce to their respective families. So the decision making is given wholely  to their all time number one supporters – mom & dad.
Be it a planned marriage by the parents or the couples themselves, the process are usually more or less the same. Both sides of the families will meet and warm up with a few or tons of topics, basic conversations and moving on to  planning and deciding the details of the wedding.
And if all is well, a wedding is held with blessings of friends, relatives and family.
So, a new family member is added and the family became much bigger and merrier in just a day.
Now, this means the couples whom decided for themselves have somewhat had the mawaddah between them already. Syukur Alhamdulillah may their love for one another for the sake of Allah s.w.t will never die and shall last till jannah. Aamiin.
What about the couple whom their parents decided for them?
It’s clear that at least a percentage of these couples are feeling a little shy, awkward, uncomfortable or possibly distant.
But, in many cases, to the best of my knowledge, couples whom their parents decided for them, turned out well and as good as the couples whom decided their own life partner.
The question is, how??

For some, we love one another for being who we are, beautiful, kind, great sense of humor or handsome. But what if the love is for the sake of Allah s.w.t? That’s what keeps it going. Because loving one another means that both of them are doing their very best to please the Almighty, Allah azza wajal.
That explains a little bit on how they can grow the love(mawaddah) even when they were total strangers “caught” in a wonderful knot called nikah.

Man and woman are made to be different. So how do they get along with so much differences? I believe that opposites attracts has got something to do with this too you know. 😉
Now, according to Islam, women are created from a crooked rib.
This concept of woman being created from man is empathized in the following verses in the Noble Quran 

“And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them, and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect.” (Al-Rum : 21)

“He it is Who created you from a single being, and of the same (kind) did He make his mate, that he might incline to her; so when he covers her she bears a light burden, then moves about with it; but when it grows heavy, they both call upon Allah, their Lord: If Thou givest us a good one, we shall certainly be of the grateful ones”. (Al-Araaf : 189)

There are scientific facts that enforce the idea of Eve being created from Adam’s rib which are: 
1. The system of the genetic code in the cells of man is identical to that of a woman which indicates that they came from one origin

2. It is a fact that some living bodies can create other living bodies without losing anything. This happens in case of reproduction by division as in unicellular organisms and some multicellular organisms like Hydra.

Some people understood from this hadith that it refers to woman’s creation as being crooked in nature while man’s creation was straight and complete. This is, of course, a misunderstanding because in Quran Allah Almighty says :“Certainly We created man in the best make.” (Alteen :4)

“Who made good everything that He has created, and He began the creation of man from dust.” (Alsajda : 7)

In fact this kind of understanding neglected the scientific miracle in this hadith as well as gave a wrong impression about how Islam regards women.

To understand this hadith we have to understand first that both men and women are created in (the best make). None of them is created better than the other.

So what does this hadith speak about..? 
This hadith is one of the hadiths that explain the difference in the nature of men and women. When you say that a rib is bent, it does not mean that this is a defect in its manufacture, you are actually explaining how it looks like. So women are in fact different than men but no body said that their creation is less perfect than that of men. It says that her characteristics are different than that of a man (not identical). So Allah’s messenger is advising men not to try to change the characteristics of a woman to be like that of a man or he would not enjoy her presence beside him.

So why did Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him chose this simile (The woman is like a rib)..?

To understand that we have to first understand how our ribs look like. Ribs are curved on both sides of our bodies to create a cage to protect the heart, the major arteries and veins as well as the lungs which are all essential for life continuity. So the curved nature of the rib is one of the signs of God’s perfection in creation of human and if they were straight they would not give the maximum security for the heart and lungs as the cage shape that the rib’s curvature produce.

Consequently, saying that a woman is created from a crooked rib is to explain that she has all the characteristics she require to perform her function perfectly which is protection for her family and children as well as her mercy. So if one tries to change a woman’s characteristics to be like his then she would not be able to perform her function on earth which is mercy and protection of her loved ones. Honoring this nature in women and not trying to change it is what makes life enjoyable.
And with that, that is how even strangers from the start, wondrous things happens, with Allah’s will, couples get along well despite their differences.

I wish you well and may Allah azza wajal grants you mawaddah, sakinah, rahmah, success, happiness, prosperity, greatness of Iman, taqwa and guidance here and thereafter.
Aamiin..
Jazzak’Allah Khaira for reading blog post.